With Love, Damon Salvatore
by Lana Archer
Summary: My idea of the letter Damon left for Bonnie instead of saying goodbye.
**Note:** I will do my best to update my other stories as soon as I can, but for now, this will have to do. This was written in half an hour without edits. Reviews will get you Bonnie's response (and no, I'm still not really watching the show anymore, this was inspired by their goodbye that I saw on Tumblr)

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Dearest Bonnie Bennett,

I know reading this letter is the last thing you want to do right now. I know you're angry, I know you're hurt by the choices I've made – the last choice I made. I know you think that all I'm doing is what I've always done before – putting Elena and I above everything.

But I need you to know that you're wrong. No, I need you to know just _how_ wrong you are. Bonnie, I didn't do this for me; I didn't do this for Elena. I did it for you, you and Stefan. Two of the most pivotal points in my life are summarised by your names. The word love makes sense to me when I think of the both of you. The word love is in everything you've ever done for me, everything I took for granted for so long. But Bonnie, you have to know, that this, this is what it all comes down to and I need to explain to you why  this is a good thing.

This is all very melodramatic, and you know how I am in that department. It's one of the the many things you and I have in common – the extreme lengths we let our emotions take us to. That's why I wanted to write it down for you, I know you're good at listening, but you wouldn't have let me get a word in edge-wise if you knew what I was planning. And I would have gotten mad and you would have gotten mad and then we would have wasted the time we had left feeling the way we've felt too often between the two of us. I wanted more for our friendship. But more than that I want more for you – I will always want more for you, and my brother, which is why I need to take myself out of your lives.

Bonnie, all your life you've been giving things up for me, for all of us. And I'm tired of taking that as a given. This isn't me making it even; this is me stopping you from ever getting in the line of fire for me ever again. I put you in danger; it's all I've ever done since the day we've met and in my way, the only way I can stomach right now, is staying in a coffin so that you can have some kind of normal life. I wanted to live your life with you too, you know that - I also thought it was the only thing I could ever want for the both of us - but you, your safety, it means more to me than any of the moments we would have had together.

I know this doesn't feel like love to you, but for the first time, I think I finally have an idea of what it feels like to me. You don't need me Bon, I needed you. You're better off without me, always have been, and I'll be double-damned if I'm the reason your life never changes. I want you to find your mom again, and Lucy and whatever is left of the Bennetts. I want you to finish College, I want you to live without putting the burden of everyone else's needs above your own and you've made a habit lately of putting me above all of that and that's not okay. Maybe all this time I wasn't the only one who needed to redefine their version of love? At least now you'll have the time to figure it out. That's what I want for you, Bonnie - time.

I want you to stop making decisions in the heat of the moment, allowing you to put yourself last. I want you to stop and think and breathe and just live the life we wanted for you. I want you to grow old and grumpy and tired. I want your life to be the one that makes all of this madness worth it. It's too late for Stefan, I can't have the same be said for you. I don't even want to think about what that would make me feel. I need you to be happy, and I think we both knew that meant you had to be as far away from me as possible - no matter how much I love you, I can't change what I've done before I met you and those consequences are something I need to pay for, not you, not Stefan, not anyone else. And these consequences keep trying to make the people I love suffer, these consequences keep trying to take everything I have. But it stops here - it stops with you - my best friend.

Remember, in 1994? When we spoke about what I did to Stefan's best friend? Lexi? I know you saw her again before we went to the Other Side, it was the whole reason you'd brought it up in the first place. Well, remember what I told you every time after that, when her name was brought up again when it was just the two of us. I told you about the guilt that had been building up inside of me as you and I grew closer and closer. It was like the more I grew t love you, the more I realised what I had taken from my brother - all because I couldn't face the consequences of my own actions, I couldn't be accountable and she paid for that.

Bonnie, I think of what I did to her, what I took from my brother, what I did to you and what you've done for me since we've met _every time_ I look at you. It's a thousand times worse when you're hurt, because it's like I finally understand what I did to Stefan and I'm reminded of how damn short your life has been, and how much pain you'd endured simply because I couldn't protect you above my own wants and needs. I've been stomaching this for so long, that sometimes I can't even look at either of you anymore. And with everything else that's happened since I got you back, I don't even know how I've lived with myself for this long. Elena and I have been in the middle of this vortex of pain for so long, I've killed and she's lost so much (and so has everyone else, including you) that maybe it's for the best that you all take a break from us? Our love has destroyed so much around us and the people that love us aren't even people anymore they're so damaged and that's not what I want for you, or my brother.

I have to go, before I change my mind.

You have no idea how hard it is leaving you Bonnie, you'll never know. But you're not losing me, I'm losing you, okay? And that's hard enough to comprehend, but the only thing that's making me see this through is knowing that this way, me loving you, will never hurt you again. And I do.

I love you Bonnie Bennett. And please, look after yourself.

Keep an eye on my brother.

Your drinking buddy, forevermore -

Damon Salvatore.

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Thoughts?


End file.
